i wrote this note to journal note to myself back in july 2015
afterwards i will say a 2018 update...
july2015 - kiddo age 10
Wrote this but realized after i do have more patience then i realized. Bc later i had nice discussion with my son talking about feelinga and patience and emotions. I love him so much and am learning so much about how to be flexille in my focus. Sure there are still times i wish I had more patience listening to my son asking me how something works when I know don't know the answer myself and would need to look it up but he could just as easily go look it up on the computer for himself. its really hard to be patient with him when I was focused on something else myself. I just wish I didn't sound frustrated or annoyed or impatient (bc my own thoughts had been interrupted) when I asked him to go look it up but rather more inspiring and encouraging and celebrating his interest. I really need to work on this especially because it's usually about topics that I do happen to be interested in, though usually not to such a degree as he is about details. I will be honest, this is probably the hardest part about homeschooling is when he is working on a project and I am working on a different project simultaneously right next to him but then he stops to ask me a question which although might be quite interesting is something I know he could just as easily look up -- so sometimes I catch myself geting mildly irritated of why is he asking me, when he could just as easily look it up. I have to remind myself it's probably easier to just ask me, and it's realy nice to just be able to chat about questions and ideas, but occasionally its one of those kinds of questions which I don't readily have the answer to and would also need to look up, pulled away from what i was working on and distracted I go, ahhh, how about you just go look it up. okay? When he was younger and I actually was paying attention to him every second and actually doing the teaching it was much easier, but now most of what he is learning about is from the computer or some book he is reading, its easierto get distracted working on my own little research projects right next to him.. but although it gives me something to do while he is reading, it makes it harder for me to have patience sometimes. This is when I think having a second child who was just beginning the learning process might make teaching the older more independent child much easier.
2018 follow up kiddo age 12/13
well one thing for certain kiddo mastered was the ability to look up most answers to questions himself esp while i was dealing desperately trying to put all my focus on my ex trying to get him to hear our love amd appreciation and need for his help and then when all that failed spending time on trying to make sure kiddo got his request for me to have full custody since the changes in his father had left him not only utterly terrified and scared of his fathers disrespect for the family and for all.of kiddo feelings and opinions and for what mattered most to him in life.
so, after the divorce, a lot of how we homeschooled changed bc my ex for whatever reason he refuses to tell is why is refusing to pay the child support he agreed to. One day we will have to take him back to court to get the money he agreed to, but for now we more despwrately need some time to heal after the emotional trauma we both encountered before we subject ourselves to even more trauma or chances of us hurting us even more.
in the meantime, we have changed our focus of homeschooling from pure exploration and love of learning more to how to survive and trying to learn different ways kiddo and i can make money from home so that kiddo can continue to homeschool to his hearts content.. Whats funny is that for years before kiddo had been disappointed with a belief system that there were few ways for a kid to make money or for him specifically to make money, but now as i do all my learning with him, kiddo has also been learning and his hope has been renewed. sort of. our income producing ideas have not become a success yet bit we keep learning and trying to give our minds hope.
we have not made much yet but at least now there is a sensation of hope and also an acute awareness of the importance of being allowed to pursue ones passions.
his passion is design. much of what he designs is not quite sellable right now but we do open up a zazzle and a red bubble store where hopefully he will share some of his designs and make some money off of it. go to the menu bar of krineteagle.com for links
but where i was going to go with this topic was the idea of us working together in the same room.
so after awhile, esp when kiddo started getting super focused on his designs, he made it a habit to hum pretty nearly nonstop while he designed, which sometimes i can handle but sometimes the volume got a little loud and so id have to buffer by working from another room.. btw, if you would like to have his voice as a background you can go to his soundcloud where he has posted some small bita and pieces...
go to the menu bar of krineteagle for link
but even though i may be in other room, whats great is that both he and i are always accessible to one another..to ask questions of one another, esp now that we are business partners as well, to brainstorm ideas with each other, to just take breaks and get remimd each other to eat, stretch, go outside and be in nature, get some exercise, and connect with neighbors and people in the real world as well.
its actually a pretty decent life minus not yet having the money to do many activities we would otherwise would have gotten to do when my husband was around. we miss his wanting to be at home with us and wanting to share his life with us and our lives with him and hope not a minute goes by where he doesnt miss and long to be back with us as a family unit. and we definitely are disappointed about his taking away the fiancial and emotional safety he once provided before he chose his job and a new life without the responsibility of a family over us. but even still we are determined to do the best we can wirh what we have available to us..
and are grateful we have each other and that there is still hope we will learn enough to make enough to save and buy our home from him someday.
but in the meantime, if you have a dollar to spare and would like to help us on our creative journey... please subsribe to our channels and send a dollar a month to patreon.com/KeE
updated: on 9/13/18 4:13 PM
originally published July 2015 kiddo age 10
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