be good? or be kind!

 

somebody posted this comment on facebook the other day: 

"I have an 8 month-old daughter. I've heard people in her life tell her to "Be good". I don't know this is really an issue right now, but I want to ensure she doesn't grow to believe her value is tied to her behavior. I regularly tell people she is good no matter what she does. What are some alternatives to this phrase I can request people use? How do I ensure they understand the importance of this? So far, my requests would seem to fall on deaf ears."

Comments

I am tempted to show ALL the responses to this post that others put up there bc there were many great answers.. 

this was my own:

Most important is practicing active listening to her her entire life including right now...

                The best advice I ever got was when kiddo was in his infant chair at a restaurant and this old couple came up to me and said, remember you child is always right in knowing what they need. At the time I think they were referring to how a baby always knows itself best if it is tired hungry hot cold needs to pee, poo, doesnt feel well, happy, sad...

 Too often as kids grow up, parents teach their kids to stop trusting in themselves, thinking they knkw better when a child is hungry tired etc... And so many people learn to stop listening to themselves and also stop knowing how to listen to others bc of this. 

Trust your childs instincts of whtwhr they are happy,sad, confused, scared.

 Teach them to NOT be scared of their own feelings. And therefore to not be scared of other peoples feelings. 

Learn as much as you can about active listening and compassionate needs based communication so that you can pass the knowledge on to your daughter.  ---- So that you can feel confident that she will know how to honor and trust and have confidence in herswlf but so that she will also know how to ask for what she needs and will not be afraid to do so.  

I personally truly began the journey when I read a book about nonviolent communication by marshal rosenberg just after kiddo was born while at the same time reading a parent effectiveness training book by gorden which introduced me to the concept of going past compromises to finding win-win situations.. Which requires a lot of listening skills..

 On top of that when kiddo was older we also listened to a book on playful parenting and another one I think called "growing capable people" by H. Stephen Glenn  --  Which kiddo asked us to relisten to several times with him on our road trips whenever he found we werent understanding him enough.. 

Dont be afraid to learn about communication over the years with your daughter listening in, and sharing the learning with you 

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